Orgasm control. Teaching the submissive to cum on command.
First of all, let's define what we are talking about. Orgasm control consists of two basic elements. The first is teaching the submissive to delay orgasm until it is resolved by the Dominant. The second, much more sophisticated technique is to train the submissive to experience orgasm on command, usually verbalized, without the physical stimulation normally required for sexual release.
Why is such training necessary?
In a word: for control. The relationship between the Dominant and the submissive is based on the transfer of power, and the submissive has few things as intimate to give to the Dominant as his own orgasm. If the submissive can orgasm, takes control of himself, and manages this aspect of his life intelligently, giving the dominant the right to orgasm can bring a depth to the relationship that is hard to imagine.
By transferring control, the submissive is convinced on a sensual level of how much his body belongs to the Dominant. For the submissive, orgasm is no longer self-evident as the natural climax of the sexual act. Satisfaction is at the discretion of the owner, who may allow, delay or deny it at their sole discretion. Masturbation is no longer an activity that the submissive is free to indulge in whenever the mood strikes. These sensations also require special permission. The submissive's sexuality is completely in the hands of the one to whom this control is transferred, and the submissive does not know when he will be ordered to put himself at the disposal of the Dominant in order to please him.
Topic 1: Delayed Orgasm
Teaching a submissive to delay orgasm until permission is given to cum is a common Thematic Practice. This is relatively easy if the submissive does not have any individual orgasmic problems.
Attention Dominants: Before you begin training, you must be very familiar with your submissive's sexual responses. You must be aware of the signs of an approaching orgasm, such as changes in breathing, reddening of the skin, changes in facial expressions, sounds that he makes when he is on the verge of orgasm. These signs are always individual, and until you know exactly how this partner ends, do not count on successfully controlling his orgasm. Attention Submissives: Your Dominant is not a telepath. To know exactly when you are approaching orgasm, he needs feedback from you, he counts on it. Your sexual arousal is individual, so at first your partner needs your help to explore your body. Tell the Dominant when you are approaching that point of arousal, after which an orgasm is inevitable. If you feel uncomfortable talking during sex, agree on some kind of prearranged signal that will mean: "Now I can't stop." After several sessions, the partner will learn to identify and "catch" the signs of your approaching orgasm.
So let's start.
From the very beginning, you must make it clear to your submissive that orgasm is only allowed with special permission. In the early stages of learning, this condition must accompany every sexual encounter. In the future, the need for such a reminder will disappear, as it will become self-evident for the submissive. Every time you have sex, watch for signs of the submissive's approaching orgasm. If you see that orgasm is very close, but the submissive has not yet asked permission to come, remind him of his duty. For example, you can say in your most "dominant" voice: "your orgasm belongs to me; you will not come without my permission." This should teach the submissive to beg for permission when the time is right. At first, every request for orgasm should be rewarded with immediate permission, which will send the partner into orgasmic heaven. This is a fundamentally important point, since in this way a direct association is established between the request to finish and the pleasant sensations of sexual relaxation.
Every time the submissive manages to ask permission in time, praise him, say that you are pleased and proud of his success. Say it while he cums. Tell me later, after the session. It is important for the submissive to know that you approve of his behavior.
Over time, gradually delay more and more the permission to cum after the submissive has asked you to cum. It is important not to overdo it, not to doom the partner to failure from the very beginning, prematurely expecting a long delay from him. Initially, the delay should not exceed a few seconds. If you demand too much and too quickly, your partner may not be able to control himself in delaying orgasm, and will then feel guilty. Essentially, the learning principle is simple: In the early stages, reward success immediately and often. Gradually, as you get the orgasm under control, increase the demands.
The importance of knowing the signals of an approaching orgasm, which are individual for each person, has already been emphasized above. But there are some signs that are common to most. Approaching orgasm is accompanied by rapid shallow breathing and increased heart rate. In men, the scrotum thickens, and the testicles are pressed tightly into the body. This is due to a biological fact that you may not be aware of: without it, a man cannot reach orgasm, so use this to delay orgasm. You can gently pull the testicles away from the body by pinching the scrotum between your thumb and forefinger and pulling. Another method of preventing orgasm is pinching. This is done by firmly squeezing the penis between the thumb and index and middle fingers just below the glans for three to four seconds. Then you need to release and wait 15-30 seconds before resuming stimulation. During this short "intermission", shift your attention to other parts of the body so that the arousal remains sharp, but the immediate need for orgasm subsides.
Keep repeating this cycle of nearing orgasm and then preventing it until you've had your fill of the submissive's screams and pleas. And then, when the submissive once again comes to the brink of orgasm, let me finish.
Be consistent. Until the submissive achieves the degree of control you want, abrupt changes in the demands placed on him can derail all your work. In other words, from the moment you start training, forbid orgasm without permission. Categorically and unconditionally. And if you intend to go further and train the submissive to cum on command, always use the same word or phrase to give permission to cum. Do not forget the main thing: the purpose of orgasm is pleasure for both of you. Carelessness or unrealistic, high expectations of the Dominant can result in the loss of all pleasure from sex. Submissives always want to please their Dominants - help them by encouraging success, not failure.
What if the submissive cums without permission? At first, you can’t do without it, just like you can’t learn to run a marathon in the blink of an eye. The submissive needs time, your patience and practice. Lots of practice. The bigger, the better. At the first stages of training, you can be a little tricky: if you see that the partner did not have time to ask permission, but nothing can stop you from orgasm, give the order to finish yourself, because it’s too late to do anything else. This way you will at least maintain a connection between the order to come and orgasm. And after sex, talk to the submissive and remind him - gently at first - that his orgasm is yours. If spontaneous orgasm continues to be a problem, you may need to re-discuss this entire aspect of your relationship.
Topic 2: Orgasm on command.
Orgasm on command is the holy grail of sexual control. It is as elusive as the mythical shrine sought by the crusaders. To teach another person to cum on verbal command is a goal that many have pursued but few have achieved. Why is it so difficult? Partly due to biological reasons, partly due to individual differences in the sexual responsiveness of different people, and to a very large extent due to ineffective training.
We ring the bells.
As with delayed orgasm training, the key to success is the immediate encouragement (expressed by permission to cum) of the desired action (a request to cum). This increases the likelihood of repeating such behavior in the future. That is what we are striving for. When the submissive has mastered the behavior required of him, it is possible (indeed, it is necessary) to reduce the frequency of reward in order for the behavior to become fixed.
See how we do it by delaying orgasm. First of all, the condition is set: to make it clear that you need to get permission for an orgasm. And then we immediately allow the submissive to experience an orgasm (this is our encouragement) as soon as he asks. Gradually, we begin to introduce a time interval between the request and permission (and sometimes we can simply reject the request, not allow it). But now, as opposed to learning to hold orgasm, we must also give the submissive the association of orgasm with something other than genital stimulation. This is the hardest part. At first, we achieve this by associating the moment of orgasm with our word, which is always the same. The word (phrase) must be invented in such a way that it differs from the vocabulary we use in ordinary conversations, otherwise there will be no result. Say this word when the submissive is beating in an orgasm. What for? - To create a reflex in the submissive, in which this word means orgasm.
After many sessions (it can sometimes be a very long period of time, because all people are different), you gradually replace allowing to finish with this word. When a submissive asks for permission to orgasm, instead of "yes" (or whatever sign of consent you use), you say your trigger word. By this time, your submissive already knows that the trigger word is equivalent to permission, since it is already associated with his orgasm, and it can be expected that it will become a signal for the onset of orgasm.
Once you've made sure there's a clear connection between the orgasm request and your trigger word, move on to the next step: the order to orgasm (expressed by that word) before the submissive asks for permission, but very close to when he would have done so. You thus give a signal: right now! Don't expect everything to work the first time. At first, you will most likely encounter the following: upon hearing the command, the submissive will try to come as soon as possible. Remember that at this initial stage, he still needs to be close to orgasm to get the release on command, as well as physical stimulation.
As you progress, gradually reduce the intensity of physical stimulation, but maintain a very high degree of sexual arousal by continuing to use the trigger word when you want to have an orgasm. At the same time, gradually replace the physical stimulation with the mental one. Turn on the "voice" - you know, that very "dominant" voice of yours, from which the submissive melts into a sweet and wet shivers. By applying this particular tone, you can learn to bring the submissive to the same degree of sexual arousal that previously required bodily stimulation. This is a necessary element of learning to orgasm on command, since the role of a trigger is played not only by the word itself, but by a complex complex: a combination of the word, the voice in which you pronounce it, the excited state of the submissive, and some other factors.
If the stars are favorable and if you have done everything right, there will come a point after a while when the submissive will be able to experience an orgasm without any physical contact at all, but only in response to your command. But even if you do not achieve such a result, I hope that the attempts themselves will give you a lot of pleasure.