I wear no panties in public and pretend to flash guys accidentally

i've been doing this long enough now that i've gotten genuinely good at it and i feel like that's worth documenting

the "accidentally" is doing a lot of work in that sentence. nothing about it is accidental. every single moment is completely deliberate and carefully executed. but the performance of it, that's the whole game

the skirt has to be the right length. too long and there's nothing to work with. too short and it reads as obvious immediately and you lose the plausible deniability which is the best part. there's a sweet spot, maybe three inches above the knee, where it can go either way depending on how you move and that ambiguity is everything

my favorite setup is a high stool or a barstool. you sit down, cross your legs, let the skirt ride up slightly, and then at some point you uncross them. just for a second. just enough. then cross them again like nothing happened and go back to your conversation like you're a completely normal person sitting normally at a bar

the window of time is so small that they're never sure they saw what they saw. that's the part i love most. the uncertainty on their face. the way they go very still for a second and then try to act like they didn't just see anything while very clearly having seen something

there was a guy at a rooftop bar a few weeks ago. we'd been in adjacent groups for maybe an hour, not really talking, just existing near each other. he was on a high stool facing my direction and i was sitting across from my friend and i knew he'd been looking at me on and off all night. at some point i shifted in my seat and let my knees fall open for just a second and looked him dead in the eyes while it happened and then looked back at my friend like nothing occurred

he choked on his drink

his friends asked if he was okay and he said yeah fine just went down wrong and i took a sip of mine and did not smile. much.

coffee shops are underrated for this. the small table setup is perfect. sitting across from someone, leaning forward slightly, shifting in the chair at the right moment. the intimacy of a small table means any reaction is right there in front of you, no distance to hide behind. i've watched a guy forget what he was about to say mid sentence and spend thirty seconds just staring at his coffee recalibrating his entire afternoon

there was a barista once who i'm pretty sure saw straight down from behind the counter when i leaned over to add sugar. he got my order wrong twice after that which i choose to take as a compliment

escalators are another one. standing a step above someone, skirt just so. you never see their face from that angle which is the trade off but there's something about the anonymity of it that has its own appeal. you just feel the stillness behind you and that's enough

the grocery store incident is still one of my favorites. reached for something on a high shelf, came up on my toes, felt the skirt shift, heard the guy next to me go completely quiet. not quiet like he wasn't there. quiet like he'd stopped breathing. i got my thing off the shelf, put it in my basket, and walked to the next aisle without looking at him once. smiled the whole way there

but the bookstore one is the one i think about most

i was in a little independent bookstore, the kind with narrow aisles and those low wooden shelves where you have to crouch down to see the bottom row. there was a couple browsing the same section, married i'd guess, maybe late thirties. she was absorbed in something she'd pulled off the shelf. he was standing nearby looking at his phone

i crouched down to look at the bottom shelf right next to him

i took my time finding what i was looking for. shifted my weight, let the skirt do what skirts do when you're crouched like that, and stayed there for a long moment running my finger along the spines like i was very seriously considering my options

he stopped looking at his phone

i could feel it without seeing it. that specific quality of attention. i found a book, stood up slowly, and glanced at him once on the way up. just once. brief. he looked like a man who had just been through something

his wife turned around and said "did you find anything" and he said "no, not really" in a completely normal voice and i walked around the corner into the next aisle and stood there for a second just breathing

there's something specifically about that one that gets to me. the married thing. the fact that he was right there with her and in that thirty seconds i was the only thing in his head. he'll think about that afternoon in the bookstore and she'll never know why

i've been caught "accidentally" more times than i can count and i have never once admitted it was on purpose. that's the rule. the performance holds all the way through, no matter what

the best reactions are always the ones who catch themselves and then find something very urgent to look at on their phone. very suddenly interested in a product on a nearby shelf. doing everything they can to appear normal while being completely not normal

i keep the skirts short and the underwear at home and i have no plans to change either of those things

confused men of the world: you're welcome, i'm sorry, and i'm absolutely not sorry