Cheers to the nerds in this world who got the girl… And head at a wedding

Before my ex-boyfriend was officially my boyfriend, we were besties. It took him a very long time to ask me out, but we certainly flirted.

*I would just like to say in this moment that this man was a precious soul who was super hot. Women really liked him, but he barely seemed to notice.*

Before I was officially his “girlfriend” though, he invited me to a wedding as his date and I was thrilled. First off, it was at a fancy hotel in the city. Also, I was super into this dude.

So this wedding was with friends he had known since middle school. When I came out in a (*let’s be real real, slightly slutty*) nice dress, he got really excited. He kept talking about how it was the first time he actually had a cool date.

*This dude was also a gentleman and a fucking doctor. To this day, I’m very confused about his self-esteem issues.*

He was in the wedding so I sat alone. One of the dude’s who sat beside me asked if I was single and I responded, “Well I’m here with that handsome fellow,” pointing to my date in the back.

“You’re here with SLIPPY?” He almost laughed.

*I had no idea who he was talking about.*

“I’m here with HIM,” I said pointing again.

“Ole SLIPPY! I’m so glad to see he has a date.”

*Spoiler, this “friend” is an ASS.*

To skip ahead, we were at the dinner table later with all his middle school besties, and they were HORRIBLE humans. Not only did two of them try to hit on me, everyone made fun of my date the entire time. One dude said he had a “Jew fro” (*hooray for “light anti-semitism”*) and another literally made fun of his mom for being overweight.

*I actually wish I was embellishing this part.*

The worst part? My date seemed totally fine with it. It was so hard to watch. This dude who was so much cooler than them in every way was destroyed to the point he couldn’t do anything but laugh and join in.

*Fuck this.*

At one point his friends pulled up a photo of him in middle school and passed it around the table. He was overweight and had very round, big glasses and horrible acne.

*It’s all making sense now.*

When he went to the bathroom, the king of the assholes looked at me and said, “You know why we call him Slippy, right?”

I smiled at him and shrugged. “I haven’t heard this story.”

Everyone at the table started laughing.

“Omg!” His friend was so excited. “Ole Slippy, he was in love with this girl for FOUR years when we were in middle school. At prom he finally got the chance to fuck her. He was so afraid it’d hurt her that he lubed up his penis. He slipped out and she was so spooked she left. Then she fucked our other friend that night!”

They all burst out laughing.

“That’s why you call him Slippy?” I asked. “Your best friend tried to have sex with someone he had loved for years, cared about her comfort, and then she fucked someone else?”

“When you say it like that, we sound like assholes” his friend laughed. “How do you know Slippy? Are y’all fucking?”

“No, actually. We just met.”

“CLASSIC SLIPPY!” They all almost screamed in unison.

Then they all went off about how I was “fair game.”

I stood up very suddenly and smiled. “I’m going to go fuck Slippy in the bathroom now,” I announced as I started walking away.

His friend who definitely thought we had a connection stopped me. “Oh you don’t have to do that,” he laughed. “Someone will pity him later.”

*Word. For. Word. He. Said. That.*

“Yeah… I’m doing to go suck your friend’s dick.”

Truth be told, I cornered Ole Slippy at the bar. I then pulled him into a back room of the venue and started unbuckling his pants.

“Your friends are horrible,” I said as we were making out.

“They’re not that bad.”

*He was too kind to even put a hand on my breast on his own. To this day, I love Slippy. He married one of my best friends btw.*

So, I put his hand on my breast, pulled him into me, and started rocking back and forth. “They’re horrible to you. You need better friends.”

“Theyre… I don’t know. I’ve known them since I was 12 and I love them. Oh no, did they tell you the Slippy story?”

“Yeah…”

“Did they tell you she was almost my girlfriend and prom fell on my birthday? And the dude she hooked up with was my older brother.”

*Jesus. Fucking. Christ.*

“Why are you still friends with these people? You’re hot. You went to a fucking Ivy and you’re a doctor.”

“I don’t know, V. Old habits. No matter what I do, I’m always the person who doesn’t get the girl.”

So I got on my knees.

*I was bullied in middle school. I loved fantasy books and had round pink glasses and acne. I got on my knees for every former nerd. I got on my knees for everyone in an unhealthy relationship everywhere, including an unhealthy relationship everywhere.*

And then I sucked his dick.

Not only that, I rubbed my face into my crotch, unbuckled his belt slowly, and played with him as I pulled his pants down. I took him in my mouth and smiled with my eyes as I deep throated and watched him lean back and gasp. I pulled back and then slammed so hard I could feel his legs shake.

Dear god, he flipped shit. His hands hit the wall behind us as he breathed deeply and tears sprang to his eyes.

“No one has ever done this before,” he gasped.

“What?” I stoped for a moment and stared.

“I’ve never gotten head.”

I stroked him and licked him from shaft to tip. “Explain.”

“I’ve only had sex with two girls. One I slipped out of and the other was my girlfriend who hated head.”

*Oh, sweet Slippy.*

I sucked this dude like there was no tomorrow. I went so deep I choked and then went deeper. I let him fill me, kept eye contact, and even grabbed the back of his legs to pull him deeper. He shuddered and begged me to keep going. And then he came in my mouth and I swallowed. I still remember the pulsing.

When we were done we laughed as we adjusted in the tiny mirror.

“I need to make new friends,” he laughed.

“I agree, these folks are assholes.”

“You want to know something? I’m kind of bummed that you don’t look like you just got fucked.”

I took my underwear off and gave it to him. “Give this to one of your buddies and say you made me come and then came on my face.”

“You’re ok with that?”

I was. Not only that, when we danced later that night, I got insane. I put his tie in my mouth, grinded on him, and let him grab my ass on the dance floor.

Slippy is doing fine now btw. Some would argue he’s doing fantastic. He married a dear friend. They have a cute kid and fuck often.