I give blowjobs on the first date because men keep ruining my impression of them during the date

I tend to end first dates with a goodbye blowjob. If you're gonna walk me to my door, you deserve a blowjob. You paid for my ice cream, you deserve a blowjob. You pinned me to the wall and allowed me to grind on your knee while making out? Definitely let me suck you off.

I've found that as I've gotten older, my standards for hookups have gone up. If you make too many sexist remarks in a row, I'm revoking your complimentary blowjob. If you make autistic jokes, you're paying for the entire meal. I'm sorry, unless you have a clinically significant score on the [RAADS-R](https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/) (and like, I'm a 136 on it), you're banned from making these jokes to me.

So that's why I've been sucking guys off before our first date. You literally cannot ruin your first impression if you're only allowed to talk after cumming down my throat. This isn't really a thing I can do now that I'm living in student dorms and there are 4 locked doors between the front desk and my apartment's front door, but when I lived by myself, I'd let him pick me up from my front door and I'd give him a blowjob before wearing my shoes. And then I'd try to clean up my blowjob-proof makeup, because you're gonna ruin my lipstick anyway, but that's not the point.

Anyway, the date wasn't really all that special. I see why Danielle said that she doesn't see what I see in him, but she's kinda accepted that I go on dates not because I'm looking for a long-term relationship, but more because I'm looking for potential fwbs. Unfortunately, this guy did not pass the vibe check. Made some ableist joke about people with ADHD and autism, which was especially rude because you guys know me as the naked ADHD nerd in Danielle's flat. So he's only getting 1 blowjob out of me.