my roommate walked in while I was being fucked and I made sure to moan just a little bit louder

first semester, dorm room, his hands on my hips, face down in the pillow.

he'd been at it for a while by the time the knock came. I was completely gone, not thinking about anything, being used in the specific way that empties your head entirely, and then three knocks on the door and I reached for the sheet.

his hand came flat between my shoulder blades and kept me exactly where I was.

"yeah?" he called out. completely casual. like nothing was happening.

"it's me," my roommate said from the other side. "can I grab my charger?"

I opened my mouth. he answered before anything came out.

"come in."

I froze. turned my head sideways on the pillow and watched the handle move and the door open and my roommate walk two steps in and stop.

she took it all in at once. me face down, him behind me, the situation entirely and unmistakably obvious. the sounds we'd been making. all of it.

she didn't leave.

she smiled.

not embarrassed. not apologetic. this slow warm knowing smile like she'd walked in on exactly what she was hoping to find and was quietly delighted about it. she was in an oversized t-shirt, hair messy from sleep or studying, and she looked so completely unbothered that something in my chest went hot and strange.

"sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all, eyes on me. "just need my charger."

he kept moving. slow and steady behind me, still fully present, and I had my face turned toward her and she was looking right back at me the entire time she found the charger on the desk. I watched her find it. she watched me watch her.

I felt him get noticeably harder behind me which told me everything about how this looked from his angle.

she picked up the charger and turned back toward the door and right before she pulled it shut she looked over her shoulder at me.

held my gaze.

and blew me a kiss.

the door clicked.

whatever I'd been holding back came out all at once. I couldn't help it and I didn't try. I made sounds into that pillow that I'd been swallowing since she walked in and I heard him groan behind me and I buried my face deeper and let it happen properly, finally, the way I should have been the whole time.

I'm fairly certain she could hear me from her room.

she never mentioned it. I never mentioned it. we lived together the rest of the year and it just existed between us as this quiet thing, acknowledged only occasionally when she'd catch my eye across the common room and there'd be that same small smile.

I'm not with him anymore.

I never stopped thinking about her face.