I trained my best friend to last longer one blowjob at a time.

okay so this is wholesome I promise. kind of. mostly.

one of my closest friends is this guy I met in my first semester. twenty one, genuinely one of the sweetest people I know, always shows up, always checks in, never once made things weird between us. we'd both agreed early on that we weren't each other's type in that way and needed a real friendship more than anything else and it worked out perfectly.

so one night we're doing our usual thing, late, talking about everything, and he mentions he's been avoiding pursuing a girl he likes because of something he's embarrassed about. I asked what he meant. he took a while to say it but eventually explained that he's extremely physically sensitive — like, finishes very fast — and it makes him so anxious about being intimate that he shuts down before anything even starts.

I told him he just needed to find a girl who thought it was cute because we exist.

he said he knew that in theory but the anxiety was the actual problem.

I thought about it for a second.

"what if I helped you," I said.

he laughed. I didn't laugh. he stopped laughing.

"I'm serious," I said. "daily blowjobs. we desensitize you. like training."

he looked at me for a long moment.

"you'd do that."

"you're my friend. yes."

so we started.

first session, his place, I got him out and started stroking him and he came in approximately ten seconds. not even a full ten. I timed it. we both looked at each other and I said "okay so we have some work to do" and he covered his face with a pillow.

I waited. tried again. got my mouth on him this time and he lasted maybe fifty seconds which was an improvement I chose to celebrate. he did not feel celebratory about it.

I came back the next day. and the next. sometimes twice. it became the most casual arrangement I've ever had with another human being — I'd show up, we'd put something on in the background, I'd go down on him, we'd debrief about how long it took like we were tracking data, and then we'd watch whatever we'd been watching before.

after about three weeks he was lasting five minutes on the first round and closer to ten on the second. I declared this a genuine win. he was cautiously optimistic.

then I made the mistake of suggesting I get undressed one session to make it more realistic and he came in forty five seconds and we had to reset completely.

we got it back within a week. I take full credit for that recovery.

by the end of the second month he had complete control. could go as long as he wanted and finish when he decided. I was unreasonably proud of this outcome.

two months later he started dating a girl he really liked. I heard through the usual channels that things were going very well in all departments.

I don't wear a cape. but I've thought about it.

he texted me when they hit six months together. said I was a guardian angel and he owed me everything.

I texted back: sucking legendary, not fucking legendary, but I'll take it.

he sent back three crying laughing emojis and then "genuinely though thank you."

genuinely though, you're welcome.