I have been fucking my disabled friend and it has changed how I think about sex

my friend has cerebral palsy and has been in a wheelchair the whole time I have known him, he is one of the sweetest people I have ever met, the kind of guy who would do anything for anyone and never asks for anything back, and the thing is he basically never gets any female attention, like ever, girls just look past him completely and it kills me because he is such a good person and so funny and so genuinely kind and he deserves so much more than what he gets.

we started hanging out more a few months ago, just the two of us, watching movies at his place, ordering food, talking for hours, and I noticed the way he looked at me sometimes when he thought I wasn't paying attention, not creepy, just this quiet kind of longing that he never acted on because I think he had already decided nothing would ever happen, and one night he made this offhand comment about how he hadn't been with anyone in years and probably never would be again, said it so casually like he had already made his peace with it, and something about that just broke something open in me and I leaned over and kissed him.

he went completely still for a second and then kissed me back like he was terrified it was going to stop.

we took it slow that first night, partly because of logistics and partly because he kept stopping to check if I was okay and if I was comfortable and if I wanted to keep going, which sounds like a small thing but I am not used to that level of attention and it did something to me, I got his clothes off and went down on him first because I wanted to find out what worked and what he could feel and the sounds he made the second my mouth was on him are something I have not stopped thinking about since, completely unguarded, the kind a person makes when something is happening that they stopped believing was ever going to happen to them again, and I stayed down there for a long time because I was not ready to stop hearing them.

when we eventually figured out the positioning that worked and I got him inside me it took some adjusting and some laughing about the adjusting which made it feel more intimate somehow, and once we found the angle the look on his face made me actually emotional, like I had to look away for a second and collect myself, and then I stopped looking away and just let myself feel it, and the thing is he was so focused on me the entire time, checking in, making sure I was feeling good, touching me in ways that most guys never bother with, and it ended up being some of the best sex I have had in a long time.

I go back whenever I can now, we have gotten better at the logistics, found positions that work consistently, and every time it is the same thing, he is slow and careful and completely focused on making me feel good in ways I did not know which not a lot of men do.

some guys could learn a lot from him tbh