I was in college, living in an apartment with 5 other girls. It was 4 bedrooms total: two shared, two private. I had a private room because I am extremely introverted and could not handle a random roommate.

We were taking things slow. I had a lot of mental health issues in high school, so I didn’t date until I was in college, and I was also really shy, so I didn’t date super consistently. None of the guys I dated really went anywhere until I met E. He was 23 and also a virgin, but unlike me, had at least kissed people before.

Anyway, this was maybe our fifth date or so. I invited him into my bedroom to watch a movie on my laptop. The only place for us to sit next to each other comfortably was on my twin bed. I left my bedroom door open a crack in case anything uncomfortable happened. Again, we hadn’t even kissed yet. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

We placed my laptop on a barstool borrowed from the kitchen in front of the bed. We put on Gladiator (yes, that is the movie playing in the background of the rest of this story), and started to get comfortable. We immediately leaned into each other, making complete contact from our shoulders down to our hands, quickly intertwining our fingers.

Even though I had made the movie suggestion because I had never seen it before, I did not watch a single second. I closed my eyes as I laid my head on his shoulder. I focused intensely on every single molecule where our bodies met: the top of my head touching his ear; my jaw against his shoulder; our knees barely grazing each other; our forearms, palms, and fingers, all alive with sensual energy. Soon, that wasn’t enough. I lowered my head and nuzzled my face against his chest. I took my right arm, which was free, and grabbed his left, so we were touching each other with both hands. The smallest movements of our fingers excited every nerve ending as we cautiously explored the parts of limbs not covered by clothing.

He rested his head against mine. I really soaked in all the sensations of him: the softness of his skin against my fingertips; how it felt to rub his arm in the direction of his arm hair vs against it; his heart beating in my ear, slowly gaining pace to match mine; his deep, full breaths causing my head to rise and fall with his chest; the soft tickle of those breaths flowing through my hair. I couldn’t even hear the movie. That’s how intently I was focused on the man I didn’t know I loved yet.

This lasted for quite a while. I genuinely couldn’t tell you how long. But it was too long for E, because he said “you’re making it really hard to kiss you.” I looked up and he immediately pressed his lips into mine, causing a wave of euphoria crashing over my entire body. Our mouths opened and closed around each other. Tongues quickly became involved. Fingers combed through each other’s hair, caressing down the backs of our necks, around our arms, and fondling each other’s chests.

It took very little time to become horizontal. His kisses moved down onto my neck. I pulled down my shirt and bra to expose my left breast. E’s eyes flickered upwards, and reminded me the door was open. I immediately got up and shut the door. I looked back at E lying on his side on my bed and completely removed my shirt and bra before lying back down next to him again. His hands went straight to my chest. He squeezed and fondled my breasts, pinching my nipples between his fingers. I held in my moan and let my long, shaky breaths communicate my pleasure. I lightly grazed my fingernails against E’s back and arms in the only way I could reciprocate at the time.

I felt E press his knee up between my legs. Of course, I immediately began to grind against him. I could feel his erection through both of our jeans. He replaced one of his hands with his mouth, licking and sucking on my nipple. I let out a few quiet moans. After a little while, he removed his other hand from my breast and lightly traced his fingers down my torso, pausing just as he touched denim. I reached down quickly and eagerly unbuttoned my pants, inviting him inside.

E’s fingers slowly made their way into my underwear. He stopped sucking on my breast as he gently explored my body. His breathing slowed as he studied my clit and labia. His fingers tracing down my slit had finally found their way to my entrance. E pushed his middle finger inside me.

This was all happening so fast! I had just had my first kiss not even 20 minutes earlier. And now I had someone touching places that hadn’t been touched by another person, making me feel, possibly, the best I had ever felt. Not just that, but he was literally inside me! This is absolutely not how I thought this date was going to be ending. But I was loving every single second.

We resumed making out as E slipped another finger into me as well. I moaned softly into his mouth as his tongue wrestled mine and his fingers slowly curled against my walls. Our bodies formed a closed circuit where our spiritual energy flowed between us in a large ellipse connected at the two points.

I’m not sure how long that part lasted for. Like most first sexual experiences (I assume) I didn’t orgasm, but I was extremely satisfied. We just slowly wound down and chuckled awkwardly yet sweetly as he removed his fingers. The credits of Gladiator were scrolling on my laptop screen. I had not heard a single word of the entire movie. But I like to think the famous “Are you not entertained?!” was dropped right when E started fingering me.

I put myself back together and admitted that that was my first kiss. He laughed and said “That’s not how most first kisses go.” My cheeks flushed briefly, but I didn’t regret anything that happened. I had only recently stopped believing in the conservative religion I was brought up in; the religion that made me suicidal when I started masturbating as a young teenager. But I felt no shame or remorse. Everything that happened that day was purely good and healing.

Timing with intimacy is so funny. People have an idea of when you’re supposed to do certain things, and go in a certain order, by a certain age, etc. But every single life path is unique. I look back and laugh that we became boyfriend and girlfriend before even holding hands, and that we immediately hit a triple, but took another month to reach home plate. But that was the timing that worked for us and I wouldn’t change a thing.