I broke up with my ex for the last time and he fucked me so hard I came back the same night

So I am a clown, I am the entire circus, I have zero self respect and my pussy has even less and I need to tell someone because my friends are tired of hearing about this man lmaoo

My ex and I are TOXIC, like capital T toxic, we've broken up and gotten back together so many times I've lost count, it's embarrassing, my best friend has stopped asking "are you guys together?" and just assumes the answer changes weekly (she's right)

The thing is, he fucks me so good that I physically cannot stay away from him 😭 like I've tried, I've deleted his number, I've blocked him, I've gone on dates with other guys and the whole time I'm sitting there thinking "this man does not eat pussy like my ex does" and it's OVER for me

He eats pussy like it's his last meal every single time, tongue on my clit doing these perfect circles while his fingers are inside me and he doesn't stop until I'm shaking and pushing his head away and he just grips my thighs tighter and keeps going, and his dick game is insane, he knows exactly how to angle his hips and how deep to go and when to speed up and I have LITERALLY never cum as hard with anyone else as I do with him

And he says I give the best head he's ever had which I believe because I am very good at it lol

So ANYWAY, the other day I went to his apartment for what I told him and myself was THE FINAL BREAKUP, like this is it, closure, we're done, super duper final, exhibit A through Z, I even had a little speech prepared about how we're toxic and we need to stop and blah blah blah

And he listened and nodded and said okay and then I was like "...one last time though?" because I am WEAK and my pussy was already wet just from being in his apartment smelling his cologne on his sheets and I hate myself lol

So I'm expecting normal vanilla sex because that's how it's always been with him, he's always been sweet and gentle and takes his time which is great but like... controlled, restrained, like he's holding back

This man did NOT hold back

He grabbed me and threw me on his bed and ripped my shorts and underwear off in one pull and ate my pussy so aggressively I literally screamed, his tongue was everywhere, clit, entrance, sucking, licking, his fingers inside me rough and fast and he was growling into my pussy like an ANIMAL and I came so hard I was seeing spots and he didn't even slow down he just kept going until I came AGAIN and I was trying to crawl away from him and he pulled me back by my hips

Then he flipped me over and pulled my hips up and kicked his sweats off and shoved his cock inside me from behind and I was NOT ready for how hard he went, every thrust was deep and rough and fast and he was gripping my hair with one hand and my hip with the other pulling me back onto him and I was face down screaming into his pillow and the bed was slamming against the wall and he was hitting spots he'd NEVER hit before because he'd never fucked me this hard

I asked him after, literally panting and shaking on his bed with my legs still trembling, "WHY did you do that, why NOW, why right when I'm trying to leave you" and he just smirked and said "I've been saving that"

SAVING IT??? THIS MAN HAD A FERAL FUCK CARD IN HIS BACK POCKET THE WHOLE TIME AND ONLY PLAYED IT WHEN I TRIED TO LEAVE??? 😭😭😭

Then he kissed my forehead and said "whenever you want that again, you know where I am"

I went home, I showered, I told myself I was done, I ate dinner, I watched half an episode of something, and then at like 11pm I was lying in bed with my thighs still sore replaying how he sounded behind me and how his cock felt that deep and how he growled into my pussy and I grabbed my phone and texted "I'm coming over" and he just sent back "door's open"

I went back that same night and he did it AGAIN

I am an entire circus and I need therapy but I also need his cock so I'm stuck in this loop and I don't see an exit lmaoo, my friends are going to stage an intervention and my pussy is going to veto it :) someone help me but also don't because I'm enjoying this way too much